Reiley was feeling much better about his life. He was out in the world doing new things and meeting new people. His cousin Helen was coming out of her house more and feeling more confident about her new figure. No more puffy coats or mirror collecting - just hello leggings , tailored jackets and high heels! The two cousins were ready to become more social and try an absurd modern mating ceremony called speed dating. All was well in world. Aunt Dellina was visiting less and less and only calling once a week. Reiley had stopped working late every evening and was feeling the chill of anticipation, a date with a girl! It had been a long time since he had any female attention. Helen was at home getting ready as well, she had been on a bender of a shopping spree and all her new clothes were on the floor as she was deciding what to wear for the evening. The two cousins were definitely feeling better and ready to meet some possible mates at the Down Lariat whiskey bar where they held the speed dating events every Wednesday night. Yes everything was going as planned ….or so they thought!
Reiley met Helen at the entrance of the bar and they strolled in arm in arm, Helen punched Reiley in the shoulder and said “good luck cous!” Reiley said “I’m a little scared; I don’t know what to say to women, I get all jickey!” Helen just smiled “it will be alright Reiley, just relax”. The first thing they had to do was hang up their coats and sign in. Reiley and Helen obeyed orders like a couple of children on a school field trip, Helen walked toward her table with the look of a comatose lady Frankenstein. A stoic off to prison look with a grim scowl on her face, she sat down and composed herself, ordered a glass of Chardonnay and waited for her first suitor to arrive. Arrive he did a short, very short crew cut straight laced vest wearing man sat down at her table “hello my name is George, I am an optometrist“. Helen tried to smile but she could tell straight away this man had no sexy. “My name is Helen“, she could say no more, well she tried but for the next five minutes she could not get a word in edge wise! George would not stop talking and all he would talk about was eyeglasses ….boring …next. Helen was wondering how Reiley was doing and why she was so hungry.
Reiley was at a nearby table and not doing well at all he was attempting to talk to a woman named Holly who was an intern to a woodworker. All she wanted to talk about was eggs, how to cook them, the best way to crack them and a huge tangent about recycling the shells. This was not the girl for him, she would be better off dating a chicken. Helen was not impressed with any of her encounters; most of them would just talk about themselves and not even look her in the eyes! This was not the case for Reiley, the last woman to sit down at his table was named Dusty, she was a rag tag wild looking Annie Oakley type of gal, she wore a leather fringe skirt and a big silver belt buckle, tall brown boots with thick heels and a beret askew on her head of red curly hair, what an outfit! Reiley was intrigued - she was such a contrast to his intellectual beat style of dress. Dusty sat right down and began “I’m only here because my ex left me, I was asleep one night and he moved out, I’m a heavy sleeper and I didn’t even hear him leave, he even took the cat! I don’t miss him though he drank too much and only ate white food, I always say ON TO THE NEXT ONE!” and she moved close up to Reiley until they were almost touching nose to nose and asked “are you the next one?” Reiley felt like he was in a car crash that already happened and before he could think he said “I think maybe I am!” Dusty smiled in a sly way and said “let’s get away from this loser table and go to the bar, time for whiskey and lots of it!” Reiley knew that this might be the worst mistake of his life but he was entranced with this woman and was like a helpless puppy being eaten by a wolf.
Helen did not fare well at all not even one interesting fish on the line. As a matter of fact, she threw out the lady like pretense of how she looked and sat at the table for a little while longer and ate a pile of barbecued chicken wings to make herself feel better. Helen was ready to go home, get into her PJs, break out some chips and watch TV. She looked for Reiley and spotted him with trouble at the bar, Reiley gave her a wink and a wave and Helen did the same with her smudgy sticky hands and out the door she went trying to mentally prepare for her next week’s session of trolling for flounders at the speed dating debacle. As she left she said to herself that woman is trouble and Reiley is in for a rough ride. Wait till aunt Dellina gets a look at Reiley new friend!
